Re: here is why you are stuck

Jan 16, 2018

Being stuck is one of the most debilitating feelings. Most of us would rather move in the wrong direction, and then quickly course correct, than to not move at all. When we stay in one place, waiting, we feel the life energy sipping from us because we are designed to move forward. Our body and our minds are designed such that the whole machinery operates better when it is moving. Your eyes, your feet and the thumbs in your hands face forward when we walk because this set-up makes moving easier and faster. Your mind, likewise, will operate at much greater levels of efficiency when it is actually given a command, and is in ‘movement.’ Left to its own device, the mind will wander, and much of your powerful thinking power is wasted. 

In my career coaching and training individuals and teams, I find that stuckness happens primarily for one of these three primary reasons:

1. We are too afraid to take the step we know we want and need to take, so we make excuses and stay in the ‘comfort zone,’ even when there is nothing truly comfortable about this place,
2. We have no idea what our next move is and so we stay put, hoping that the perfect and right vision will manifest itself, or
3. We are resisting the way we want to move toward our goals. We know where we want to end-up but become inflexible with the possible paths that can take us there. 

By far, the most predominant one is the first of the three listed above. Fear, of course, comes disguised. I will work with individuals who are really successful and seem ‘too busy’ to do what they know they want to do. Them being busy becomes a crutch that shows up as procrastination, distraction and ‘reasoning.’ The smarter we are, the more we are able to convince ourselves and others that we really cannot do what we wish we could do. This is super tricky to overcome and requires that we learn to differentiate the quiet voice of intuition from fear, and reason. It also requires that we use strategies that incrementally can move us forward. No jerky movements here. Subtle, gentle and consistent steps are key.

The second item on the list, a lack of direction, is the second biggest reason I see even the smartest of individuals staying stuck. I am a huge believer in having a vision, and always advocate for individuals and teams to have one. After all, without a vision, we may move forward but end up in the wrong place, right? Yes, that’s true, BUT, like I said before, moving in the wrong direction (as long as we can quickly course correct) is thousands of times better than not moving at all. So, if not having a clear and perfect vision becomes the reason to stay stagnant you need to find ways to create an in-between plan that can work just as well as a vision and give you enough motivation to take strides. In 2017, for instance, while I was dealing with a difficult personal situation, I felt stuck professionally. I, for the first time, felt that I lacked a clear vision. The solution? I decided to wrap-up all the pending projects I had previously pushed to the side or not finished all the way through, and by simply deciding to do that, instead of waiting for the ultimate vision to form itself, I moved away from the feeling of being stuck. There are specific ways each and everyone of us can deal with this lack of vision, and it does not require a rocket-science background.

Finally, the last of the three, resisting the path, is a common reason I see many individuals stay stuck. Because so much of our educational system and culture is designed such that success looks like being busy and having a specific set of goals, we may end up with a long list of to-do items that are, in fact, delaying our progress and, worst yet, creating stagnation. This is because a long to-do list may have all the items we think are necessary and, by focusing on those, we miss the unexpected opportunities that show up all the time, all around. The more we do that, the harder it is for us to capture real, helpful resources. We narrow our focus so much that we miss the ideas that are not in this set to-do list. There is a scientific reason for this, and it is called perceptual constraints, the ability of the brain to focus on certain things, and completely block out others. It makes for an efficient mind, and it ensures we are not constantly overwhelmed. But, it also works negatively by only letting us capture what we expect to capture. To move from this category of stuckenss requires real effort in letting go and opening up, letting go and opening up, as a daily ritual.  

Being stuck, sucks. 

Get help and get unstuck, learn more.
xoxo